I love my son. He has been my greatest teacher as I have matured into a man. However, I did not know how to hold a conversation and listen to someone else's opinion until I met and helped to raise the three women pictured above. Before they arrived I was closed off and I only cared for others in pockets of my life. I did not know how to be a receiver of love based on the belief that I was going to end up owing something back in the future. I was in dire need of a makeover so, God with his sense of humor gave me not one but three daughters to get my head straight.
While my son has been my greatest teacher my daughters have been my fastest teachers. Daughters teach a man how to feel and when to feel and they teach him how to express himself without looking for an angle to keep the upper hand in the relationship. They will not abide by the rules of manhood while you are trying to get a handle on who they are becoming therefore, a father must learn new and different ways to communicate. Daughters help a father grow new synapses and brain functions while he is trying to not make too many mistakes where they are concerned.
Daughters will ignore the father who believes that he can raise his daughter the same way he raised his son (s). Men have always thought that they teach their children certain things by talking the talk and walking the walk but that is not the way a daughter understands the lessons of life. A man teaches his son through voice and example but he encodes his daughter with his ears and his essence. This means that there is an imprint that is put upon her from the very first time that you hold her in your arms. Everything you say and do with their mother and other people will be the uploaded into their hard drives for later.
Forgetfulness is not in their nature so they make it a point to keep little white lies and big white lies in their rolodex until you ask a prideful, stupid question such as, "have I ever lied to you?" Daughters will allow their father to believe that he is "The Man" for as long as he wants to even though she has already figured out that he could not understand her by any stretch of the imagination unless he learns to listen.
A lot of men have never been taught to listen therefore, we enter into manhood portray invincibility and strength. Daughters secretly smile and laugh when you are trying to convince them that you are in charge. Undoubtedly, the hardest lesson for men with daughters to learn is that in order to win her heart and win at loving her, you as a father, as a man and as a winner must learn the art of losing. From the time that I was a little boy I don't remember a single time when losers were applauded, cheered or loved more than winners.
As the father of daughter(s), losing is inevitable. You will lose as a father when you underestimate how fast her mind works and, you will lose at the game of knowing how quickly things change in her life. You will also lose when you cannot remember that boys name who she has been talking with you about for the past four months. As a matter of fact, you will come up with your own name for every young man who comes after that first young man. While son(s) will just want to leave home, daughters want to get away and explore their worlds all the while knowing that they can call you and you will divorce your wife if she says you cannot go to see about "baby girl".
People who work for the treasury department tracking counterfeit money are not shown all of the fakes that are in circulation in the streets because that would take up a major amount of time. These agents are shown the real bill so that they can memorize it and encode into their brains. This will help them spot counterfeit money as soon as they look at it. I have not always been the best father to my daughters but I have always tried to make sure that they could spot a fake when they see one regardless of what gender, race or culture they come from.
I have had to hold one daughter in my arms as she was deflated by the terrible words which came from someone who was supposed to love her. I have had to listen while the other vented for over an hour about how I had disappointed her as a father. we were very close and she was crushed by my forgetfulness about her as I was divorcing her mother. I have had a daughter hold me back just before I was about to give a young man some "act right" at a Magic Mountain fun park for bumping into her with his race car. My daughters have taught me to understand women and real love. Without their input I would still assume that my importance and ego are what matters the most.
The songstress India Irie taught me some things through her song "Talk to Her". "When you talk to her, tell the truth and have a heart to heart with her just like you would with your daughter". "Everything that you do and say you will live with it day to day". We will talk about my son next time but for now, I am a feminist and I need my daughters to make it so, I stand ready to assist them in any way that Daddy can. I love being a father.
